I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
