I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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