just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you still have your period?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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