I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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