life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
