was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
