im six kinds of drunk right now
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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