I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
