There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
