She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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