Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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