I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
