someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
