It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
