porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
