he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she smelled like a LAN party
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
