spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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