And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
