I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
