Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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