It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
