You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He has the fingertips of a God
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
