I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
