This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
