K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Say something about gay babies.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
