i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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