I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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