I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You are the jesus of drinking
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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