I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
