it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
