If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
