Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
