guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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