I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
