our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
