just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
