Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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