Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
