I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
