His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
