miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
