Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
