Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
