I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
