This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
