Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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