maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
