Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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