If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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