I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
