Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
