Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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