I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
