Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
