Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
