We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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