Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
