I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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