he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
