all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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