The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you never un-have a 4some
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
