Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
