i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
