I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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