Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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