I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
