Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This baby is an asshole
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
