Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
