I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Come see our sink grown plant.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
