I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
