So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
