Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
