apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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